February 2012
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Going out and staying sober is pretty rad when the bartender compensates by making you really, really awesome juice. Yeah, I go to ~tha clubs~ and drink juice. It’s okay to be jealous.
“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then...”
– Karen Marie Moning
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“Only hang around people that are positive and make you feel good. Anybody who...”
– Amy Poehler
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“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”
– Confucius
I wish there was a rad way to mush the words ‘anxiety’ and ‘excitement’ together because it would perfectly explain my deal right now. Exciety? Anxitement? IT DOESN’T WORK, THOSE SOUND LIKE DISEASES. And I’m not anxious with excitement or excitedly anxious. I feel sick but giddy but panicky but exhilarated. Anxiet-ment-y.
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There is so much I need to do I think my brain is about to explode. It’s like one of those horrible assignment weeks of uni when everything is due at once, except these are all things that I actually care about and want to do. That have actual consequences for other people if I fuck them up. Oh god. Is this the rest of my life?
“I think I’m greedy, but I’m not greedy for money – I think that can be a burden...”
– David Hockney
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“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It...”
– Rumi
keeping track
Saturday I had my best gogo shift yet. It involved a Herb Albert cover band, limbo, champagne and the most attractive man in the world. (Honestly, not exaggerating.)
Sunday was all about this boy, chips, milkshakes and admiring pretty boats in the harbour (on my part, mostly.)
Today I applied for jobs, edited and went to my first contemporary class in years. It felt good.
Tomorrow on the way to...
“Start out perfect and don’t change a thing. Always accentuate your best features...”
– Miss Piggy
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I really, really, really, really, really want to quit the bakery. I think I might do it tomorrow. I don’t make enough at my other job to support myself, but I’ve got enough in my savings to get me by for a while. It’s probably a stupid move. But you know what else is stupid? THE WAY IT MAKES MY SOUL CRY.
January 2012
My chick bad by Ludacris (ft. Nicki Minaj)
I...
Working in the crew on this film is pretty cool and all, but mostly I’m excited for my feature acting debut as ‘pageant assistant’, ‘audience member’ and as a part of ‘young couple sneaking into cinema’. Three roles, bitches!
1 tag
twenty one, a day and a half in:
I’m tired of unrequited feelings. Go away.
I rarely tell my friends when I have an anxiety attack but I’ll write about it on the internet and I don’t know if I’m okay with that.
I’m putting almost all of my energy at the moment into work, and I’m so afraid it won’t get me anywhere.
I think I’m getting tired of alcohol.
I wish I was sleeping...
I’m a real proper grown up as of today, so tonight I’m going to get drunk on a wine I actually enjoy the taste of. Even if it costs me dollars more. Adulthood!
Obligatory.
I am struggling tonight. But I won’t be tomorrow. Tomorrow I am going to write a book and it will be called ‘STABLE HUMAN BEING’.
Things I would like for my birthday, please:
The job I interviewed for this week
Those zebra-print suede ankle boots I saw in that shop that time
The ability to stress over things the appropriate amount, and nothing more
Less anxiety
More sleep
More summer storms
Someone to keep me company at work tomorrow night
People to stop harassing me about finding paid work
A ticket to Aqua
That...
I am going to take this change in the weather as a personal birthday present from the universe. You are a day and a bit early, universe, but thank you all the same. Unrelated: there is nothing like standing at the top of a hill looking out over town in the middle of a refreshing summer storm to cure a bout of anxiety. And now to the spa with my book and a lemon, lime and bitters. Good good good...
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